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Chronicles of Ben's Whoremouth.....

Chronicles Of Th e Whoremouith.

Episode 5.

You can't please all of the people all of the time....

Alright? Tis me again, the drunkard.... First and foremost, my apologies to Joe, Liam and Tom for going to Reading on Saturday and not telling them, and also for not cancelling band practice... sorry to the Ice House guys there too... my bad! (Ben Turner, you are the pimp behind the slag of all snacks! How many Pot Noodles can one man eat over the space of two days????!!!!)
       I won't talk about Reading, just for those of you that might be jealous at the most amazing weekend ever you've missed. (Thanks to Lib Hicks for making mine, er, memorable! He he!)
       Last night, (being Wednesday 28th August), the Basketeers missioned it out to Chris Parker's in Stoke to see the Fluff at work. Also to take part in some quality "gang vocals" (copyright Ben Wood 2002), which personally, I found way fun! Not too sure whether this was just due to the vast amount of alcohol I'd consumed in the Kings earlier that afternoon... but everyone else seemed happy. Right.... I'll try and spell this.... Bargett, can play a fucking mean bass, and I've not seen anyone play that mentally after so many shotties. MAD!
       In other news, more basket related, somewhere along the line we'll have our cd ready! We've just got to get the artwork done and get enough of them copied so that we can sell them to you guys! The consumers! The fans! Woooooo! Yeah!!!!!! (Oh God...... No-one's gonna buy it!) Nah! You all must buy it, cos it's better than just another fucking metal band in this town! Don't get me wrong, I do like the metal in this town (I sing in one of these bands remember!), but I don't think I can be bothered to keep up with anymore popping up!
Really though, would anyone else like to see more punk bands in Yeovil? I can think of a load of people who do. Actually in Yeovil we've got TWAT, when they play, the Fluff, who get better reception elsewhere, us, who no-one ever wants to book, and er... the Krays. Ruthless Conviction, I think.... although I'm not sure if they're still going... and well, Exit Wound, if you'll allow hardcore into it. I haven't seen anyone else in ages that I can remember, makes me think there's something wrong with punk! Indoset have apparently split up, Big Wieners are now just a memory, we're all doomed!!!!! I started this band to try and be the band that gives the punk scene round here the well needed kick up the arse that it needs, and I know we're not there yet, cos we're all still getting there as musicians, but the passion's there, and fuck you if you think that sounds cliched, cos it's just the way it is! Everyone will book punk bands from out of Yeovil, and support them, but thet won't do anything to help us. I know punk's hard work, but a little support would be nice!
       Anyway, bitch over.... until next time, it's goodbye from me and it's goodbye from er.... me.

Chronicles Of The Whoremouth. 

Episode IV. A New Hope....

These aren't the droids you're looking for...

So, I'm back to write another amazing account of the life of drunkeness which I, and, it seems nearly as much lately, the rest of the band keep when we're not playing or practicising. Or recording our fantastical new cd, which you must buy.... or I'll eat your souls!
       I would really only offer one piece of advice this episode, and that's not to drink so much that morally/legally corrupt things seem like a good idea. Take that as you will... (Never thought I'd ever say that!)
       So what's been happening in the Basket camp of late? Don't ask me, I'm never here! Twas probably a bad idea me taking this on... I think it's all drink and weed related, outside of recording the cd anyway... (There, mentioned it again!) 
       We're writing a new song at the moment, the one Liam called "Wasting Time". That's not it... he was reading the wrong words to a different song... "Wasting..." is an Incoherent song half written/ abandoned anyway... just he wouldn't shut up for two minutes to let me explain this... As it goes there's not really a name for it, or any real finished lyrics, but I am working on it. Promise!
       Oh, and cheers to Joe for taking the offensive bit off my Bio. I should never have done that.... but I am a drunkard... I'm working on changing that too, but don't get any ideas that it's gonna be an overnight thing! One day I'll quit smoking too. Yeah.....
       Anyone who thinks 484 is shite, well, you try making the words up on the spot to a song that's hardly finished. You bastards! I thought I pulled it off quite well, so fuck you! It does end a bit sudden though, it has to be said....
        Right, that's enough for me, and you're probably sick of this now, so I'll shut up. I'm off to prison!


       P.S. You know who you are if I say "leave me alone. It's not gonna happen, not now, not ever. And I don't have to explain to anyone why, so if you wanna think I'm selfish, fine. You're wrong."
Chronicles of the whoremouth.

Episode 3. 

No really mother, it was the monkeys... THEY DID IT!!!!! AAAAAAAGH! STOP YELLING AT ME!!!!!! And down to business....

The gig on tuesday were ace. I loved it! OK so we were out of tune a bit, and kamikaze drummer went a bit tits in general, but apart from that i thought we were pretty cool! It was odd to finally play I hate your mum in front of the person whose mum it's about. ( You all still with me?)
       So what did everyone think of Clarity? I know i go on about that song a lot, but i do love it... from what I've heard it went down quite well. Hope so! It's not often you'll get me pouring my heart out on stage, so be grateful motherfuckersssssss. yes.
       The afterwards of this gig, following amazing sets by Story Of Nothing, Big Weiners, and Makehercry, was cool. As mentioned on the team mission letter, the hits of old were out in force. he he!!!! Can  you picture it? Members of  all the bands dancing ridiculously/ drunkenly to everything from papa roach to queen.... and funky strutting from paul graham and liam faaaaaaaaaaaowler. twas all good jiggery pokery!
       Right, I'm off to go back to RAF Brize Norton for the week, and I've only got another 15 weekends to do this for... roughly... then I'll be living in Yeovil permanently! Yeah, that's right.... me! So, until next time, whenever that may be, i'm off to go NOT molest anything and NOT spend all my money. Must avoid big people who don't buy their own drink and food to parties....

Chronicles Of The Whoremouth:
Episode 2:

Or Jim Henson.... how would you like it if you lived under a bloody lighthouse??? Eh?! You wouldn't!!!! Uncle travelling Max....

Welcome to the second installment of the chronicles, i trust you've all been well? Well, I wish I could say the same, but no.... (don't worry! I'm not gonna go into detail!)
       Anyway, I managed to make it back to Yeovil for one night, so I could see someone, but they, well..... weren't interested. A classic example of being all talk.... and fuck all else. All that's come of it is that I'm now free, single, and I'm fucking staying this way until someone who actually makes me feel good about myself comes along.
       There's a serious problem with the security in this town. How is it that you can't use military i.d. as proof of age? It's government issue... how much more genuine than that do you get?! Also, if you're a townie, and you're under 18, you can get into the bowlplex, but, if you're a metaller, there's no fucking chance! Wankers.....
       God! Guard force is shit... it's so mundane, tiring, draining, both mentally and physically.... all that's come of it is I can now load and unload an SA80 rifle in like, 5 seconds.... wow, that'll get me far.... I think I'll put it on my C.V.
       Where the fuck were Liam and Tom last night? I come back for one night and they're not even out. Boo.
       Well, I'm off to guard Brize Norton for another 2 weeks, then I'll be here for a week, so the next Chronicles should be interesting... he he!!! Then there's the gig on Tuesday the 2nd of July, supporting MAKEHERCRY and BIG WIENERS! (Please say I've spelt that right....) where we get to air the new material, which now will not contain the new song "Clarity". I'm never playing that song, ever. But, you do get "FIGHT,OI,FUCK,DRINK,LARDCORE!", and "4-8-4", possibly more.... and all the oldies! (Which are still newies really...)
       Until then, I'm off, see you soon. BYE!   
Chronicles Of The Whoremouth.
Episode 1.

It's a bit like Star Wars innit? Hullo, and welcome to my first instalment of my chronicles. Basically, this details what Liam's diary of fun doesn't, plus some other random stuff ... i.e.; what happens when the Violent Basket boys go out on the piss!
       Anyway, down to business.... On returning to Yeovil on Friday evening, from the hellhole I live and work at, the pit of despair known as RAF Brize Norton, I went to the King's Arms. Much alcohol was consumed, and a large number of fags were smoked.                       
       Call me boring but this is pretty much what I've done every Friday and Saturday night for the last three years.
       But then this is Yeovil, and there's precious few places to go if you're into metal and punk. ... or any other sort of alternative lifestyle that the Yeovil townie "massives" deem fit to beat you into a pulp for.
       To be honest, Friday and Saturday really weren't that interesting that I'm gonna waste large amounts of time writing about them. ... except that we were asked to join the mighty EXIT WOUND on a piss-up mission to Alice ... cheers lads. Also thanks to Ricki from AURA SUN, and the other various bands and friends who stuck up for Liam when that townie wanker was trying to nick his hat. It was a pure Jimmy Saville moment for Liam, I'm sure.
       Sunday on the other hand, is a whole different story! After all, this was the day of the mighty Alice in Wonderland all-dayer, at Alice Springs, (of all places!) Every band in Yeovil, and pretty much the south of the country played, (except us. Gits! Joke!) and fun was had by all. It has to be said, I wish I'd been able to see more of the bands, but I was otherwise..... er...... occupied by the lovely Rose, from Swindon. A piece of advice for any lads here who aren't currently taken; if you see three really fit girls waving at you, and you don't know them, just wave back, it works!
       We finally met the Indoset guys, who seem very cool. We have to play with you guys soon! Also, a band called Bolt, (I think). Josh from Ruthless Conviction; get these bands on the skate-fest thingy in Sherborne! Somehow, punk must be dragged, kicking and screaming if necessary, into the live scene more round here. If not to rival, then at least to be on a level with the ever dominating metal/ hardcore scene.
       One band that seems to be rising from the undergrounds of Yeovil's metal scene, (or at leat Palmer's chippy) is the one band in particular, that has acquired the new genre; Yeovil LARDcore. The less said, (or heard) about this band, the better. Let's just say that the underpass by the hospital says it all.... Does anyone else feel ill yet?
God it doesn't half get boring when it's always the same few people. To every band that plays. Ever.
       That's pretty much all I've got to say for now. One day I'll come up with something interesting. (Yeah right!) For now though, I'll shut up, fuck off, and get my stuff ready cos I've got guard force for the rest of the month, so don't expect to see me about. I'll be in Oxfordshire, protecting Brize Norton from nothing and no-one, with my crappy rifle.


P.S. Incoherent haven't split up, and anyone who knows a drummer please get in contact asap! It doesn't look like Lee's coming back.